Are You an Inconsiderate Communicator?
“You’re not an easy person to talk to.”
That might sound harsh, what if it were true? What if that’s how people thought of you? What if you never knew, never asked, or found out at the end of your career – or your life?
You may be inconsiderate (but you just don’t know it yet). In practical terms, what does that mean? Let me paint a picture of this undesirable category:
- Cares first for themselves
- Disregards needs and concerns of others
- Careless about rules, boundaries and consequences
- Slow to say they’re sorry
That’s a nasty reputation that nobody wants, yet many unknowingly warrant.
How Did We End Up Here?
Over time, our behavior is what shapes what people think about us – and makes it stick. I say “we” because I do this too. Nobody is immune and everybody needs to take a closer, honest look in the mirror about how they communicate with others.
For starters, let’s look at how we show up in conversations. Every day, we are talking to family, friends, co-workers, clients and new connections. We want to think we hit the mark with them consistently, yet it’s not what we think that matters.
Here’s what they might be thinking:
- “He didn’t listen to a word I said.”
- “That was a waste of time.”
- “I guess I don’t matter.”
- “It was like talking to a wall.”
- “That was a monologue!”
- “I never want to do that again.”
Nobody wants a bad reputation, yet people few bother to check to see if they have one.
A BRIEF Examination
How do you know if you’re thoughtless, careless, or inconsiderate?
Take a few minutes and consider these questions. They are not “yes” or “no,” but “how often?” questions. (Remember: frequency translates into reputation).
- Interruption: Do I frequently interrupt others when they are speaking, or do I allow them to finish their thoughts? Do I finish their sentences?
- Domination: Do I dominate conversations, talking more than I listen? Does my opinion matter most? Do I have to have the last word? Do I give up submissively and shut down?
- Dismissive: When others share their perspectives or opinions, do I dismiss, disregard, or quickly change the subject?
- Duration: Do I talk too much or too long? Do I talk too little?
- Consideration: Do I prioritize getting my point across over understanding the perspectives of others? Am I thinking about their needs during the conversation?
- Focus: Do I frequently change topics and jump from thought to thought?
- Listening: Am I more intent on listening to respond versus listening to understand? Am I fully present or do I jump ahead?
- Volume and Tone: Do I convey a tone of voice that discourages other people (e.g., intense, apathetic, angry, critical, etc.)? Do I talk too loudly?
- Interest: Do I forget to ask questions that show genuine interest in others’ thoughts, feelings, or opinions? Do I even think to wonder what people are thinking or experiencing during the conversation?
- Preparation: Am I ready to have meaningful conversations? Do I show up distracted and scattered? Have I taken time to consider their interests, time and needs?
Where Do We Go From Here?
You may have failed that short quiz. I wrote it and I failed it (that’s the truth!). These are tough questions that many of us struggle with day to day. Don’t quit on yourself. Keep taking it until you pass. Then have someone take it for you (that’ll be hard but very telling).
Shaping a reputation as a careful and concerned communicator starts with these three things: Be honest, be self-aware, de disciplined. In that order.
This content was originally published on Joseph McCormack’s LinkedIn Newsletter, “Just Saying.”
