Go On, Ask for Favors

Why don’t we ask for favors? Favors are an untapped fuel source. They are powerful, yet we don’t request them often enough. The risks seem to outweigh the rewards.

Over the course of my career, I have not asked enough, though I have asked for them. I not only have discovered the hidden power of these small and simple requests, but also reflected on the reasons why we are so reluctant. What’s more, I’ve found myself guilty of not doing more favors for people who don’t ask them of me.

Why are we suffering a favor shortage?

Why Don’t We Ask for Favors?

Several weeks ago, I was leading a BRIEF course for a group of retiring special forces soldiers as part of a partnership we have with The Honor Foundation. After the evening event, I hung around to talk with several participants who wanted to ask me a few questions. I offered to connect on LinkedIn and told them not to hesitate if they needed anything in their transition into civilian life. As a business leader, I might be a source of insight, guidance or connections for them. To date, very few have connected with me, and there have been no favors requested yet.

Several months ago, as I was solidifying our annual marketing plans, I thought it would be important to reach out to some past and present clients to get their perspective on our offerings, especially as we explore moving into new markets. In my email request, I asked them to reply with a sentence or two (a brief testimonial) to share where they see our value in their organizations. Within hours, I had many responses with honest reflections and assessments, some very flattering and humbling.

Through both of these experiences, I started thinking about why we don’t ask for more favors. What’s really stopping us?

Reason #1: Fear of Rejection

The worry is that someone will say “no” and it will hurt my relationship. The reality is that it could be a litmus test to determine if you have a strong relationship at all. So, be bold and take the chance to see what happens. It might be what takes your relationship to the next level.

Reason #2: I Don’t Want to be a Bother

We know that people are busy and burdened and we don’t want to make it worse. The truth is that you don’t know until you ask and many people are open and willing to help. Have the mindset that you are giving them an opportunity to improve their generosity. I’m not kidding.

Reason #3: I Haven’t Done a Favor for Them

The challenge is that we have yet to do something for them, or generally don’t do favors, and we know we’re a bit selfish. Though all of this may be true, it’s an opportunity for you to change and elevate the conversation. It’s not quid-pro-quo, but start thinking of ways to proactively help people or find simple, meaningful ways to thank them.

We are here to help each other and there are many times that you need help from someone. It shows vulnerability and humility to get the nerve to ask, “Could you please do me a favor?” And when we hear that beautifully brief word “sure” in reply, our relationships can flourish. You may be asking for advice, a referral, a loan or whatever need you might have.

There are a few ways to start improving in this area to show that you aren’t a user or abuser of people’s goodwill. We are all human and in need of something (at some time) but our motives may not always be so pure.

• Anticipation. Start thinking of people around you and some of the needs they may be reluctant to reveal. Instead of waiting, go up to them and simply say, “Is there anything you might need from me right now?” Don’t be surprised to hear them say yes.
• Reciprocation. Asking for favors is not a matter of bartering in good deeds. Keep in mind that the person who does something for you also has needs. Maybe down the road you can reconnect to see what they might be and how you or someone you know can help.
• Appreciation. It is always advisable to say “thank you.” What’s more, writing them a short, heartfelt and handwritten note is an even better idea. Many of the people I admire most do this and it confirms their character and gratitude.

Final Thought:

When you finally get the nerve to ask for a favor, how you ask matters just as much as what you ask. That’s where being brief is essential. A long, meandering request can dilute the urgency or confuse the person you’re asking. When you’re clear and concise—“Could you introduce me to someone in your network who works in healthcare strategy?”—you show respect for their time, make it easy for them to say yes, and increase your chances of getting the help you need.

So go ahead—ask for the favor. Just make it short, sincere, and specific. You’ll be surprised how often people are willing to help when the ask is clear and the intent is genuine.

Joseph McCormack first shared these ideas in his Just Saying LinkedIn newsletter.